Melancholy. Well, That Explains a Lot!

Self-portrait, Oil on canvas, 24" x 36"

I am an artist.  I am the mother of three beautiful children.  I am raising my children on my own.  

It's not like I don't have help.  I do.  My parents who live 2 hours and 15 minutes away (if you don't stop to pee) are my life line, my support.  They have helped me in more ways than anyone could ever repay and for that I am thankful.  

They supported me when I wanted to be a painting major.  I mean, I have three kids and I wanted to major in painting?  Why didn't they perform a brain scan?  Instead they found me this little home (single wide) and bought it for me so I could go and major in painting.  They threw a car in as well.  Maybe they should have a brain scan.  They believe in me.  Now, can I believe in myself?  That's the hard part.

This is where the Melancholy comes in.  I recently took a personality test.  It was for a Suzuki parenting class.    (If you don't know about the Suzuki Method it is for children who are learning to play the violin.)  Anyways, I find personalities interesting and I was excited to take the test to see what it had to say.  

The Suzuki teacher is a confident go-getter who was once a lawyer, is a marathon runner, and is 1st chair violin in the symphony.  Not afraid of a thing, apparently. The exact kind of person I want teaching my child.  

When I handed her the test she added up my score and then with a triumphant outburst she said, "I knew it!  You're a Melancholy!"  As if this was obvious.  

"What?"  What does this mean?"  I asked.  I really didn't like the sound of this.  I mean, really?  Melancholy?  Who wants to be Melancholy?  Not me!  I freakin' rock, lady!  If you only knew!  Melancholy?  Bah!  Who does she think she is?

"Well, these tests aren't always accurate.  I mean, how could they be?  My personality is not a constant thing."  I said, and in my mind I was reeling. I thought to myself,  I change!  All the time!  I am adaptable, resilient!  I am a super talented art star!  Or, at least I will be.  Hey, I just earned a college degree while raising three kids!  Three!  Who does she think she is?

"That is exactly how a Melancholy would react!"  She announced, triumphantly. "I am a Choleric so I need to try to be sensitive in my interactions with you, although it is not in my nature."

Sensitive?  I thought to myself... I am no pansy, or am I?  I do cry a lot.  Maybe she's right.  Oh Man, now I’m doubting myself.  I hate this.

My mood was instantly dampened and I didn't recover throughout the rest of the class.

Typical Melancholy.

Later on that night I related the whole story to my boyfriend (a.k.a. Rock Star or Handsome) on the phone.  No longer was my mood dampened.  I was inflamed and pontificating my version of the story to get some sympathy and an agreement that the test was inaccurate and I am indeed not a Melancholy.

All I got was a robust laugh as he blurted out, "Well of course you are, Pretty One!"

"What?  You think I am too?"  This man, who I adored, who knew me better than anyone, was telling me that the test was spot on.  I was ticked off.  I suddenly didn't like myself anymore and desperately wanted to change all aspects of my personality.

But the fact is I can't.  I can work on different things about myself to improve my reactions to things but life is a constant struggle and I'm a struggling artist.  So yes, I will cry.  I will get moody.  I will feel deeply and love boundlessly.  I will try and fail, but I will try again.  I will not stop.  I am an Art Star.

Melancholic

The melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. Melancholic people often were perceived as very (or overly) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they could not be on time for events. Melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. Often they are perfectionists. They are self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.